Donald J Trump
Hello 911! This is the American public. We would like to report a stolen United States Presidential election. The crime occurred primarily during the year 2016. Do we have a prime suspect? Yes we do. He is a White man about 6 feet 3 inches tall, well over 200 pounds. He has an orangish complexion and thinning hair he wears in a comb-over. His age? About 73. His name? Donald J. Trump. Yes. The President of the United States! That's him! Why do We think he stole the election? He was standing there in front of national television television cameras, reporters and millions of people watching asking for Russia to help him destroy his opponent and they did what he asked. How do I know that?. Special counsel Mueller just indicted Russian government agents for stealing emails from Democrats and it started the same day Trump asked them to on television. Yes I know Meuller is working on the case, but I want to report what was stolen to get it on the record. Do you have a pad to write this down?
Okay, Trump stole the Presidency, at least two Supreme Court Justices, a lot of federal court justices and what could amount to almost $1.5 trillion dollars of taxpayer money with his new tax plan. Yeah, that's a lot of money. So if he's caught how do we get all this back? I mean I want a new election or at least to have this crook and all the people he brought in with them thrown out. I mean he ruined our reputation as a country and where do we go to get our good name back. Okay, I'm ready for the police report number.